Jim Witt

Protagonist
Name: Jim Witt
Race: caucasian male
DOB: December 31st, 1971
Occupation: moonshine runner and Sheriff of Podunk County, Georgia and former army Lieutenant Colonel.



Jim Witt, the only child of Vera and Hank Witt, was born on December 31st, 1971 in the small town of Fireworks, Georgia. His parents divorced in 1987 when he was 15, and his mother remarried in 1988 to Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade of the United States Army. Yes, the same Frank Slade from the movie 'Scent of a Woman', which was based on his own autobiography, 'Stench of a Wombat - A True Story'.

His father Hank Witt was a bootlegger and moonshine runner, known for his specific brand of moonshine, Smokin' Hank's Double Rectified. As a boy, Jim spent summers with his father, who taught him everything about distilling spirits, as he expected the boy to take over 'the family business' when he turned 16.

Jim graduated from Sam Pewitt High School in June, 1989 and attended Southeast Georgia Community College in nearby Mt. Tolerance, Georgia where he studied basic curriculum until 1992.

In1993 Frank Slade, Jim's stepfather, was demonstrating an exercise in hand-eye coordination and rapid fire multiple grenade tossing to a group of new recruits by juggling six live hand grenades and taking shots of Smokin' Hank's Double Rectified for each grenade that he dropped (Frank was a long time customer of Hank Witt). Unbeknownst to Frank at the time, one of the six grenades he was juggling had lost its pin, and it exploded when it was at the height of its arc, about fifteen feet above his head. Luckily for Frank, most of the shrapnel exploded outward and not downward, but as he had been looking up when it happened, the shock liquefied his eyeballs, blinding him instantly. Frank had believed that teaching hand-eye coordination to new recruits was an invaluable lesson, and that his drunken rapid fire multiple grenade tossing method of instruction was superior, the reason being that if you could learn to juggle hand grenades while drunk, just think how many people you could kill if you were sober.

Frank wiggled out of a court martial and was honorably discharged.

It was due to an encounter with Marine recruiters at a McDonalds in Atlanta, where Jim was recognized as the stepson of Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade and belittled with questions and assumptions of whether or not he planned on continuing the step-family tradition of drunkards juggling explosives, which made up his mind to join the Army. He gave both Marine recruiters the double bird and headed to the nearest Army recruiting office and joined, right then and there.

He scored in the top tenth of a percent on his ASVAB and was fast-tracked through college for his bachelor's degree and placed in officer training school.

Blah blah blah something else happens.

Geez I gotta do this shit for another dozen characters.