Summary?

Hold onto my butt, folks, because this is the beginning of what will eventually become a basic summary of the entire story, as each weirdliness congeals in my head and then seeps into and connects with another weirdliness in my head, like blood mixing with with syrup.
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The Nonplussed

This story is about humanity going insane. It begins when Donald Trump is elected president of the United States in 2016, and it escalates from there into unspeakable realms of absurdity.

To be sure, the process of an entire sentient species losing its collective mind probably began with a pre-homo-species, like homo erectus or homo habilus, but the manifestation of true insanity - by human standards, anyway - began when a cartoon was actually elected president of the world's foremost superpower by an obviously insane populous, oblivious to, and of, its own crazy.

The cartoon president of Donald Trump is actually quite close in character to the true antagonist of this story, an extradimensional alien entity that manifests in our universe as a willful, bratty 8 year old boy in possession of enormous power, which it wields with impunity and according to its own pleasure, justification, anger and amusement. It calls itself Cannibalus the Starvling. The parallel here between Trump and Cannibalus is intentional, in case that wasn't already completely obvious.

Anyway. Things really get rolling in late 2018 when North Korea successfully detonates a one megaton thermonuclear hydrogen bomb, followed by a press release by Kim Jong Un directed toward the United States:

'We, the free citizens of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, as of this precise instant demand the immediate removal of all United States assets, wartime and otherwise, especially wartime, from DPRK soil, airspace and waters, or to expect a hellstorm of nuclear destruction the likes of which no man has ever perceived or will ever be necessary to be perceived again upon the final realization of total destruction promised to rain down upon the United States, including all of her military forces bases and citizenry, domestic and international and/or otherwise, including all non-terrestrial space platforms, stations, moon bases, extra-planetary outposts and solar colonies, notwithstanding any and all interstellar civilizations already in progress, and furthermore, if these righteous demands are not accepted in an authentic spirit of total subservience to the Dear Leader, Kim Jong Un, and the Eternal Presidents of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, Kim Jong Il and Grandfather Kim within one hour of the time-stamped delivery of this righteous declaration, so it shall be that every citizen and legal inhabitant of the United States, including all colonies and territories of the United States, will face with absolute certainty the promise of instant nuclear annihilation as hundreds of millions of exquisitely targeted hydrogen bombs, one for every American man, woman and child, is gifted upon each American person personally, after which the single and only merciful demonstration of our ability to burn an entire interstellar civilization completely and irrevocably from the face of the planet from which it was spawned, including the accursed and diseased presence of that civilization from the surface of the sun, shall endure forevermore in our minds as a symbol of peace'.

President Trump refuses to respond to or even acknowledge North Korea's press release until Kim Jong Un registers a Twitter account, so that the two of them can discuss things one on one and like real live grownups. Thus begins the infamous Twitter Battle between Trump and Kim, which precipitates Trump's War.
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Dammit. See what I did here? All I wanted to do was plop down the main events that rotate the story here and there and into itself, like so...

North Korea nukes Santa Claus
South Pole falls into the ocean
Dennis Rodman assassinated
Nuclear war completely destroys the Middle East and 90% of Muslims
Cannibalus the Starvling invades the solar system
Two parrots warn a heroin junkie of the impending apocalypse
Dreyfuss summons the Grunge Wizard with DMT
Georgia secedes from the US
Civil War Part 2!
Dickjackson Jones steals the Flying Turtle and high tails it to Mars
Secret agent SuperSuze Hicks assigned as handler for Cannibalus
Confidence and Betrayal
Absurdity
Death
Lots of open mouth smacking chew noises
A godawful hangover
Tears
Eyelid wrassling
An ancient civilization on Mars!
A singularity!
Olympus Mons Erupts!
No mercy!
Cannibalus gets thrown into the caldera!
Victory!
It all ends in tears!
Everybody dies!
That damn dawg again!
And another hangover!
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Kinda like that. Oh well, that's the gist, I guess.