Early Character List

Dramatis Personae Non Grata
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Pivotal characters
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Dempsey Witt
Dreyfuss Marlowe
Svetlana 'SuperSvet' Hicks
Dickjackson Jones
Bobbie Kay Rudolph
Purl Asheblaque
Charnala
Emperor Cannibalus the Starvling of the Far Flung Hunger


DickJackson Jones - First half Aborigine/half Irish Inuit astronaut, commander of The Flying Turtle, an advanced SSTO spaceplane prototype based on the X-33 VentureStar, equipped with the first practical EM drive

Roger Dodger - Kiss ass white boy and pilot of The Flying Turtle, first white boy left on Mars

Ramona Tostada - First female Mexican astronaut (later remanded to zeroth) and mission specialist aboard The Flying Turtle, Two Dog Night Light operator

Charles 'Charlie' Caoutchouc-Jambes - French Vietnamese rubber tycoon and astronaut tourist aboard The Flying Turtle

Pinot Noir - Chinese peasant and homebrew inventor of the Long March Bottlerocket

Skyler Montgomery - American physicist and inventor of the Two Dog Night Light, aka moonbeam, brrr-beam, lunar laser, looneybeam, crazylaser, ice box beam, a lasing heat sink aka freeze ray

Mung Bean - British physicist and winner of the Nobel Food Prize for splitting the ham-burger

Thaddeus Thomas - Amish inventor of the Pulverizorator, the ultimate farming implement

Sabathius Malachi - Amish usurper of the Pulverizorator, repurposed as the Ultimate Death Dealer for the SCSG



Ferlin Goolsby - President of the United States of America and Baja, California

Terri Peterson - Secretary of Defense

Terd Burgleson - White House press secretary

John 'Rocketman'  Elton - NASA administrator

Sargent Schneider Schnitzkies - drill sargeant, US Army

Captain Killian Gore - Captain of the USS Donald Trump aircraft carrier carrier, US Navy

Little Big Junior - American AM radio talk show personality, founder of the Little Big Brother Tea Party party

Walks Carefully On Eggshells Like A Bear - Russian female double agent adopted by Navajos at birth

Pyotor the Awesome - Tsar of the Soviet Confederate State of Georgia, aka Ivan the Awful

Generalissimus Nathanial Warbottom - reluctant Lord Marshal of the SCSG armed forces

Olivier Bustier - Engagé Volontaire in the French Foreign Legion and sole survivor of the Gay Bomb

Dempsey 'Dim' Witt - moonshine bootlegger and Commissar General of the SCSG Coordinated Information Apparatus

Svetlana 'SuperSvet' Hicks - special agent of the Apparatchik Chicks

Apparatchik Chicks - elite all-female SCSG battalion of the Coordinated Information Apparatus

Stardog - lead singer for Stardog Champion, a Seattle based band from American annexed Baja, California

Dreyfus Marlowe - convenience store clerk and heroin addict with a heart of gold from Austin, Texas

Todd Trilby - Pothead psychonaut, Dreyfus's best friend, aka Toddmonsah, Monstah Boy, Monstobulouse

Ignatius - demon from w and Dreyfus Marlowe's heroin dealer and tormentor

Purl Ashblaque  - gunslinging grunge wizard, summoned via DMT by Toddmonsah to battle Ignatius

Charnala - former gunslinger turned witch and Purl Asheblaque's sworn enemy

Mrs. Bojangles - Canadian high school algebra teacher and cast iron bitch

Ricardo 'Dick' Cabeza de Queso - 2 cheese smuggler and Ramona Tostada's older brother

Twit and Twat - two highly intelligent African Grey Parrots constantly bumbling into Deus ex Machinas

Emperor Cannibalus the Starvling - Dark Lord and Emperor of the Infinite Realm of the Far Flung Hunger

Ash - Praetor to Cannibalus the Starvling

Xdfhitef - 'The Stupidest Genius', an alien demigod exiled from the 13th dimension, aka the devil, Lucifer, Satanw Satan ae$

Ball - just the cutest kitten, ever.