Early CIA vs FBI

Another rough excerpt - political intrigue!
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What do you mean, we're under investigation?

I mean just that, sir.

We? You mean, we, as in our operation?

No, sir. I mean the CIA.

The CIA? The entire CIA?

Yes, sir.

Wait, just wait. Back up! Who is investigating the CIA?

The FBI, sir.

The FBI is investigating the CIA?

Yes, sir.

What's being investigated? Which operatives? What branch? What division? Which operation?

All of it, sir.

All of it?

Yes, sir.

What the hell is that supposed to mean, all of it?

All of the CIA, sir.

The entire CIA is under investigation by the entire FBI? Is that what I'm hearing?

No sir, just a part of it.

But you just said all of it!

Sir, I meant only a part of the FBI, not the CIA.

This is ridiculous! It's ludicrous! It's ridonkulous! It's... phantasmagorical!

Yes, sir.

How can the entire CIA be under investigation? Huh? Riddle me that!

I'm not familiar with the logistics of the investigation sir, but that's how we're understanding it.

Oh boy...

Sir?

Nevermind. So. How exactly have we come to understand what we understand?

Our intelligence, sir.

Really?

Yes, sir.

That's a surprise.

Excuse me, sir?

Nevermind. Ok, let's recap. The entire CIA, all of it, is under investigation by the FBI. Right?

Uh... yes, sir. Essentially. Not the entire FBI...

Shut up. I get it. The entire FBI isn't devoting the entirety of their resources to investigate the entirety of the CIA. That would be even stupider than whatever the heck it is they're actually doing.

Yes, sir.

So what are they doing?

Sir?

You know, I've just about had it...

The exterior division, sir. The FBI has tasked the exterior division with their investigation of the CIA.

But the exterior division deals exclusively with outside agencies...

Yes sir. The exterior division of the FBI has hired the CIA to investigate the CIA.

WHAT???

Excuse me, sir. What I meant to say is, the exterior division of the Federal Bureau of Investigation has employed the Coordinated Information Apparatchik to investigate the Central Intelligence Agency.

The Coordinated Information Apparatchik.

Yes, sir.

The one from Soviet Confederate Georgia.

That is correct, sir.

That's treason!

Apparently it's a black book operation, sir. Completely unofficial. No one knows about it, so it doesn't exist, so no one is culpable.

Well, our intelligence by God, and for damn sure knows about it!

Our intelligence is also a black book operation, sir. Officially, it doesn't exist, either.

YOU'VE GOTTA BE SHITTING ME!

No, sir.

HAS MANKIND GONE COLLECTIVELY INSANE?

That's the general consensus, sir.

Really? Since when?

Since 2018, sir. Since the war with North Korea. That's when it all started, they say.

Who exactly are they?

The general consensus, sir.

What? You know... never mind. Do we have any, uh... intelligence? I mean... good grief.

Sir? I don't follow.

What does our intelligence know about whatever the heck they're doing with their intelligence? Specifically, if that's possible.

Well sir, we know that the exterior division of the FBI has hired, directly, an elite, all female covert battalion of super spies, known as the Apparatchik Chicks, sir, and that it's this covert battalion which is doing the actual investigating.

Really. An all female battalion of super spies?

Yes, sir.

Called the Apparatchik Chicks?

That is correct, sir.

That's awesome...

Yes sir, it's pretty awesome.

All right, let's stop for a second and catch our breath. Now that we've finally gotten this far, do we know WHY the FBI is committing black book treason to investigate us? I mean, they're assholes, yeah, but dammit, we're supposed to be on the same side!

Crimes against humanity, sir. Specifically the American people.

The FBI is accusing the CIA of crimes against humanity, specifically Americans?

Yes, sir. It's been all over the news, sir.

I don't watch the news.

Sir, according to our intelligence, the SCSG has officially allied itself with the alien. We also know that the alien has been deliberately, no... strategically provocative, and that it's behavior cannot just be written off as the tantrums of a petulant eight year old. We believe that the alien - Emperor Cannibalus the Starvling of The Far Flung Hunger, as it calls itself - is trying to play us against ourselves. Not just our own political factions, but all of the major world powers, for its own malign purpose.

The hell you say...

No, sir. I mean, yes, sir.

Ok. Ok... first things first. Tell me that we've got our own covert battalion of sexy super spies. We've got one of those, right? Tell me we've got one of those.